Monday, October 19, 2009

Why do we (have to) use “guilt” to control our children?

This was something which happened this morning and is making me feel like an absolute shit. That is one reason I am writing about it to get it out of my system. I have a tendency to get edgy in the morning when I am rushed and sometimes this leads to outbursts of anger. This morning was one of those mornings. No I did not have an outburst but its important to put things in perspective. Well I noticed that my elder daughter has only eaten the middle of her sandwiches and left the balance on her plate. This made me comment to the wife that “She” should not encourage the children to waste food. Of course I should have used the word “WE” but it was too late. Sadly my wife thought this was the beginning of an outburst and reacted automatically venting out on my daughter who was close by saying “See what you did! I told you don’t leave room for your father to find fault with me because if we end up fighting like this we will have to go in for a divorce” A few minutes later I was looking for her to take her to school and what I saw broke my heart. She was seated at the table eating the bread she had left behind tears streaming down her face. I felt like a worm. And I could have cried at the guilt which was flowing through my body. I realized that it was my words which had actually led to this situation. And sadly there was nothing I could do to correct this situation. It seems that my wife has been using my outbursts as a weapon to get the children to behave and keep things around the house. Threatening them saying that their actions could lead us to separate. I do not think she had any idea the impact of those words in my daughters mind. Sadly it dawned on me that many of us use guilt as a weapon to mould people into behaving the way we want. It is done unintentionally sometimes even without us being aware. However the impact is still as dangerous. I learnt the repercussions of it the hard way. I am sharing this online hoping that once reading this it might prevent someone from repeating the same mistake. But I still feel like shit.

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