Identity Crisis

I walked into Keells Narahenpita and could not help but notice how most of the fruits and veges were labeled wrong. It was so funny I had to take some pics and share. Later I realized that the manager was hovering around me trying to figure out why I was so keen on the vegetable display. He did not have a clue.

Discovering Michal Crichton.

Imagine a man discovering the joy of having sex for the first time when he is 45! Whilst he would be exalted by the experience I am sure he would have wished that he had found how lovely it was when he was much younger. And that is exactly how I felt when I finished reading my first Michal Crichton Novel. Sadly it was about a month ago I discovered what a fantastic author he was. I guess because I had always associated him as the author of Jurassic Park and did not give him the respect he deserved.
I started reading his books completely by accident. I had downloaded this torrent pack with all the John Grisham and Tom Clancy e books and all his books were included as well. And one day when I was wanting something to read I started on disclosure and found that I could not put it down. It was so fast paced and involving. Now some of my books I read on my phone and this meant I found I was sneaking a read while I was at the gym, at work, at a presentation we were making and even during the sermon in church. Yes even in church. If I was fascinated by disclosure you could say by the time I read Andromeda project I was head over heals in love. And all the books I read so far which is "Prey", "air frame" and "time line" have been great. Gosh I so wish I had discovered him much earlier.

Private companies that behaves like government organisations.

Now I have had some nightmare experiences with government organisations. They are quick to get work done and then quite conveniently forget the fact that there is something called payment. A job which was subcontracted to us for Export Development Board is yet to be settled one year and nine months after. And there is no one to take responsibility for it. After this experience I discourage government clients to work with me and thankfully I don't have to depend on them for profits. However you don't expect multinational companies to behave like this. But it seems not the case. I have a friend who is a free lance creative. She was complaining to me the other day how clients are quick to want assignments done over night and then is completely the opposite when it comes to payment. A case in point was a small job which had been done for a telco; let's call them Sintel. The bargained down value of the job was 6500 bucks. The job was done 3 months back but she is still chasing the payment. The person who commissioned the job has conveniently washed her hands off and wants my friend to follow up with the accounts division. They got her to hand deliver the invoice twice and after so long it is still being processed. As a typically disorganized creative type as well as a single mom who is also working virtually 12-18 hours a day she has not been consistent in her following up. But I would expect a multinational owned company of this nature to have systems and processes in place to take care of a simple payment of such low value. I also believe that all the systems in the world are useless unless you have a motivated workforce as well. And it seems that this company has a team of people who don't know the meaning of respect (for someone elses work and time) and responsibility.
And it is really sad that someone like my friend has to face the repercussions for their actions.

The amazing house

The book club has now evolved to a discussion group and this time it was hosted by AC and MS at their beautiful house in Sri Jayawardenapura near the hospital. The moment I stepped in I felt I had been teleported inside the pages of one of the coffee table books which feature works of architects. I could see that a lot of care had gone into each piece which adorned the house. For instance there was a table made out of an ornate door from the first parliament. Floor boards from an old church (they were tiling the place) and some beautiful antique bo leafs used as lamp shades. It was just wonderful to spend an evening immersed in this atmosphere. I did take some pics with my camera phone and putting them up here but it was dark and the pictures does not do it any justice. I could so get used to living in a place like that.

First love…

Have you ever thought about your first love? The first girl you held in your arms and shared the magic of the very first kiss with?

Well that’s what I was doing a couple of days back whilst trying not to vomit as I watched the most obnoxious saccharinely sweet romantic movie I have seen in a long time. If you have not had the misfortune of seeing “Letters to Juliet” already may I suggest that you avoid it like the plague!

For those of you who does not know what the movie is about the story line can be found here. In a nutshell it is about a lady looking for her lover who she abandoned 50 years ago. However cheesy the movie was it had a certain fatal attraction for me and I must confess I watched it to the very end though some of the scenes were so sickeningly corny that it felt like someone was pricking needles into your eyes. Anyway the plot made me go back in time…

KS and I were both taking part in the Interschool Shakespeare competition for our respective schools and both schools were being trained by the same Drama coach. I was smitten the moment I saw her at our first joint rehearsal. I was young and shy and really did not know anything about wooing a person of the opposite sex. But I think she did like me because we were both on the same wave length. I can remember going to see her as she waited to take the bus home after school. I still can’t believe how I actually summoned the guts to ask her out to meet me at a restaurant and ask her if she would be my girl over a bottle of ice cold portello. I still remember going to a party down kawdana road and seeing her looking beautiful in a red dress. And then dancing… holding her close as the music slowed and the lights grew darker and then exchanging the very first kiss. Wooow it was magic.

But that was the first and last kiss we ever shared.

She was a brutally honest and upfront type and was straight forward enough to tell me straight that she really did not love me but only liked me. Maybe she thought her little diversion to while away the time was getting a little too serious for her own good. Maybe the letter I sent professing my true love was a little too manic. Or it could be that her parents actually found one of the letters I sent her though I really think it was just an excuse she created to legitimize our parting. I am still grateful to her for kicking me gently.

Sometimes I wonder what she is doing now. Unlike the other females who were in and out of my life our paths have never crossed. I must confess I even tried to search for her on Face Book with no luck. KS where ever you are you will be fondly remembered and cherished and I do hope one day fate will bring us together just so I can see you and know you have grown to be the wonderful person I imagined you to be.

Another good joke about politicians....

Three dead bodies turned up at the morgue, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner called the police inspector, to show him what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his
mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Irishman, 25, won 10,000 pounds on the lottery, spent it all
on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ah", says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Sri Lankan
politician, 40, struck by lightning"
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."

Governors camp – my pre-trip stop.

Generally we leave for Yala around 4 in the morning to end up in our bungalow by 12 noon. This means one has to wake up at 2.30 in order to get the stuff ready such as ice and other frozen foods and to pack everything and pick the people up from their houses. I always found it a strain to wake up that early and rush around making sure that you get to the park on time to make the most of your holiday. Also for me a Holiday really begins on the day you wake up in that location and not on the day you drive down. I know it sounds a bit crazy but then that’s the way I am and I offer no excuses.

On this outing my kids and the wife were coming too and I knew for a fact that they would find it difficult to handle this early morning rush. So we decided to do something different. To drive to Yala the previous day at a godlier hour and spend the night at Governors camp.

It was one of the wisest decisions I ever made.

We picked the kids early from school and had a leisurely drive along the new Panadura Horana Ratnapura road which is completely done up now and is amazing to drive on. It is not used by Lorries and buses as much as the high level road is which makes it an easy, fast and stress free drive. In fact we found ourselves in Ratnapura in ninety minutes on that day which was awesome. Alltogether it took us less than five hours to get to Yala and this was at a very relaxed pace as there was no pressure to beat the clock.

Governors camp was all that I imagined and more. In terms of the setting it is as good as staying inside the park except it is more comfortable and clean. The only limitation being that you have to go to the main entrance and pay the fees and get a tracker every time you want to get into the park proper. As the name connotes it is a camp not a hotel and it is inspired by the wild life department bungalows. There is a dormitory which can sleep ten comfortably and a separate eating area.

The sleeping quarters

Clean crisp sheets feels so wonderful after such a long drive

Places to just sit back and do nothing in....

Simple yet elegant thats what I like about this place

I love these arm chairs it was so relaxing to chill out on them

The little things which make a big difference

The toilets... love the color scheme!

What I liked about the place was it was nice and windy so it was not too hot. Also we received a warm welcome by the staff. It was lovely to walk in and have a hot cup of tea relaxing in one of their comfy arm chairs with the wind blowing gently against our skin. Also the cook was excellent. No excellent is an understatement he was out of this world. In the night he made us Noddles Kothu which was the first time I had heard of such a dish and it was utterly delicious. I must confess I felt this particular dish was quite unsuitable for a jungle environment because the sound of the clanging while the kothu was being made really disturbed the still of the night. And the breakfast oh wooow !!! Fish curry with extra goraka, pol sambol, parippu and homemade (should I say camp made?) string hoppers. Another wise decision I made was to order the food from the camp instead of taking the provisions which they would have willingly cooked at no extra charge.

Our amazing breakfast

Sadly we did not spend enough time there to absorb it one hundred percent. For instance I could not check out the beach though the kids said it was lovely. I also heard that they have a couple more properties of their own in Uda Walawe and Wilpattu and that the Uda Walawe property is supposed to be breathtaking. Well that’s another outing waiting to happen.

The beach out side the camp it is supposed to be beautiful but we are warned not to swim as the waters are very rough.

A little gem...

"A man who wants to lead the orchestra

must turn his back on the crowd"

- Anonymous

Believe it or not I found this quote in the back of a church leaflet.

Damned if I do and Damned if I don't!

Oh how strange are the challenges life throws at us.

This all happened a couple of weeks back when we pitched and won quite a large piece of business from a new client. Let's call it brand X. Everyone was thrilled. Now this new brand we got was in direct competition with a product one of our existing clients were marketing. Let's call it brand Y. However since they were working with another agency on this product there was no conflict of interest. At least that is what I thought. As it was ethically correct I went and officially informed my client that I would be working on brand Y. The first response was but we thought you were working on brand Y. Well the bottom line after much discussion was that they wanted us to give up product X and they were willing to give us product Y to placate us. Now I am stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. Firstly how do I go and tell company X that I don't want to handle their business. There is always a chance that I will jeopardise my relationship with them for good because of this. Secondly; in terms of income we would make product Y will never even come close giving us the revenue we would get from product X. On the other hand if I don't give up product X it will jeopardise my relationship with the company who markets product Y. A company who has had a strong relationship with us for a long time and is also one of our important clients. This is my quandary. But guess finally I will have to bite the bullet and kiss product X goodbye. They say a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. But I wonder what one would say for two birds in hand? Sigh!

Some interesting 'facts' which i didn't know

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb..

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an h

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

Cat's urine glows under a black light..

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Starfish have no brains

Polar bears are left-handed.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

Well now I know and guess - if you got this far- you know.

Urghhhhh to kill

Generally I am a gentle and peaceful soul whose feathers rarely get ruffled. But as I write this I wish I could march into HSBC find the person who hires people and shake him till his bones rattle and tell him to do his job right by hiring competent people.
The start of my frustration was when I decided to get my wife a supplementary HSBC credit card. The special discounts and offers at keells were too good to pass.
Coming to think of it I actually had not thought about getting one till I called their customer service hot line for some other matter and they up sold me onto requesting for one as they have been trained to do.
A couple of days later I get a call from a lady who inquires about me requesting for a supplementary card. I notice that she is finding it extremely difficult to converse in English. I try to switch to the mother tongue but she doesn't seem to want to do so. She wants to come and deliver the application and collect it from my office. I realize she has to travel by bus and somehow I felt sorry for her to have to go through all that stress on my behalf. So I tell her I will pick up an application fill it up and have it delivered to her desk. She takes some time to understand this. But says ok and gives me her mobile number to contact her. Couple of days later I see a missed call from the card center. I call her on her mobile - you cannot call back on the incoming line - and identify myself. It seems she has no idea of who I am or that we spoke before and what we agreed upon. So I repeat it all over again and tell her she would have called me to follow up on application and hangup. Finally I get the application ready with all the documents and try to get through but the phone is switched off. I could have just sent the application direct to the card center but did not want to deprive the poor girl of her commission. Finally after a few days I get through reintroduce myself once more and go through the whole rigmarole of what we agreed on and finally make her understand that I am willing to deliver the application to her office. She gives me the address and I send a messenger to deliver it. Since it was a bank holiday she was not there and the security on duty at the bank say they cannot accept the letter. I send it the next working day and it is delivered to the bank counter on the ground flow of the Wellawatte Branch. Next day I call her and she has not got it to her hands even though it is addressed to her specifically. Then she tells me that the address should also say third floor, something she did not mention when she gave it to me in the first place. Fortunately we knew who the letter was delivered to and I gave her the contact. But even by the next day she had not got the application to her hand. And when I repeated the name of the person who it was delivered to for the second time her reaction was as if she had heard it for the first time.
By this time I was about to explode and then she says that even if she got the application she has to see the original documents personally before accepting it. Even I am surprised at myself on how I maintained my cool till I hung up.
Then I went and kicked the tires of my car.
There's is a Sinhalese saying which goes even a tiny drop of cow dung can spoil an entire glass of milk. And that is completely true in this case. My high regard of the standards of HSBC has been sullied by this incident. Sadly I don't blame the girl she clearly is not equipped with the skills required to handle her task. It is those who are responsible for filling this vacancy with an incompetent person who should be shot and hung.

An anticlimax of the fishy kind...

It was a beautiful morning we woke up to at Governor's camp Yala. And we were sitting and enjoying our morning tea and the bird calls and looking forward to the breakfast we had ordered of stringhoppers sambol and fish curry. The bungalow keeper was having problems in starting his trishaw and he said he wanted us to go bring the fish for breakfast.
The moment my cousin and I heard that we exchanged looks of absolute bliss because we love fresh fish. Images came to our mind of the trishaw driving into the kirinda harbor and the fresh catch of the day coming out of the boats and being laid out on the ground. Our taste buds were palpitating with excitement waiting for the moment the taste of fresh fish curry touched our mouths. All that was missing was a majestic music track to the vivid and beautiful scenes which were going through our minds. I must say they would have been worthy of being displayed on Discovery Travel and Living.
And then he spoils it all by saying the fish has been stored in a Freezer in the junction.

My own love song... A movie I liked

Some movies make you cry whilst others make you laugh or just feel lovey dovey. And certain movies make you want to get stoned. At least for me. Basquiat was one such movie and natural born killers. Well "My own love song" cannot be described as a powerful movie like natural born killers it was pretty plain and down to earth and has a simple story line. But it still made me want to role one and smoke up and just chill.
This was a movie I picked up completely by accident when I was looking for some weekend entertainment. Actually what caught my eye was that the music was done by Bob Dylan and there was Rene zellewegger. Well I am not going to be giving you the whole plot of the movie cos you can easily find it elsewhere on the net. But just say I never new Rene Zelwegger could sing. She does a version of "this land is my land" which left me speechless. And then there is a scene with Nick Nolte talking with some weired drum beats in the background and everyone is buzzed out after eating hash cake. I am still trying to figure out how to rip it and post on here. Guess I will figure it out in due course. But till then I am mulling over how long it has been since I got stoned. Joint anyone?

Foody Friday

Yeah! Ramazan! Another work day which feels more like a holiday and another perfect excuse to have a slap bang meal. We don’t have that many muslims in office but that does not prevent us from enjoying a good biriyani feed to celebrate Ramazan. Well I guess if non Christians can celebrate Christmas there is nothing wrong in us celebrating Ramazan. But my Friday had two food highlights which I wanted to share with you.

.

Magnificent Muffins….

As I walked into office I was greeted by a beautiful plate of muffins left for me by a friend. And of course everyone tucked into them with great enthusiasm. There was strawberry, chocolate chip and banana muffins and all of them were delicious. I wanted to take some pictures of them to share it with you. But I was so focused on consuming them by the time this thought came about there was nothing left. Fortunately I got my friend to send me some pics which he had taken and I am uploading them to show you what I had. By the way this is a new muffin place called Bibos (078 555 2426 if you like to sample some of their stuff) and they have a variety of other desserts as well. I was going through their menu and cannot wait to try some of the other stuff especially the cheese and bacon muffin for one… he he yes I did not read it wrongly they seriously have a cheese and bacon muffin. Well the moment I try more I shall keep everyone updated.

Brilliant Biriyani…

I always assumed that only Muslims were in the business of doing Biriyani Sawans. That was till I met Dihan the owner of a Restaurant cum catering service called Royaka in Pita kotte. He told me that he was also in the business of Savans and we decided to try his Savans out instead of ordering the Biriyani from the usual places such as Galle Cateres or Saifudeen of Slave Island. For those who don’t know it was Saifudeen who used to supply biriyani to the Hilton till recently. Anyway we were worried about this decision because somehow ordering Biriyani from a non muslim supplier made it seem as dull as chicken ham. But we were worried that the sanitary conditions at the usual places we order from. Even under normal conditions they were unsatisfactory and I would hate to think what it would be like on a day where the orders would be ten times than what they do usually. Also Dihan has been doing our office tea service for the past few weeks. And been doing a brilliant job of it. So even he was 50% more expensive we decided to place the order with him.

It was with great joy we realized that we had made the right decision when the food arrived. Firstly his Sawans were really big. And also the chicken was over roasted and tender and succulent. He had also given us a raita for the biriyani in addition to the normal accompaniments and it really added a lot of flavor and that extra oomph to the meal. All of us tucked in with relish and enjoyed every morsel. We had so much left over after more than 50 people had eaten to their hearts content we gave big parcels to all those who wanted to take some to their families. Even I brought some home and had it for dinner. Actually at dinnertime the biriyani was even tastier as it had absorbed all the flavor of the spices. Once again I completely forgot about taking a picture till I had finished eating. I did manage to get a friend to take a pic of the sawan through his phone but sadly the picture does not do justice to the food. Dihan can be contacted on 778965852 or 0759965852 if anyone is interested.

Sadly I think I ate a little too much and the next day was feeling awful at the gym as I tried to crawl through my work out. And I faithfully promised myself that I am going to go easy on the rich food but as I sit here typing this post on a beautiful Sunday morning with a nice crab curry sizzling on the stove I cant but help wonder when I am going to be eating that Biriyani again.

The Church Organist and the condom

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness.

One afternoon, the pastor Came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammondorgan, The young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' Pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter'

Isn't this absolutely hilarious :)

Souled out!

Oh what a beautiful morning oh what a beautiful day that’s what I thought as I woke up Sunday Morning. I was in a good mood. Saturday night had gone well even though I had to have me and my wife groped and poke by a phalanx of sweaty security types from the Presidents Security Division. Even though the place was terribly cold. Even though we had to endure looking at donkeys who were actually GOLD fm DJs trying to act as compeers and groveling in front of the audience kissing the ass of the first lady and Duminda Silva.

Still it was worth it. To see the Supremes and Drifters in concert. Two mega bands on one stage for the first time in Sri Lanka. How could I not attend? Especially since I got two front row passes for free! He he working in ad industry certainly has its benefits. Life could not be better I thought to myself as I sat down and opened the morning papers and saw this article in the Sunday Leader. Oh what a shame I have been duped and taken for a sucker. These were not the real supremes but a tribute band. I went to the web site which was highlighted in the newspaper and it was all true they even had their appearance in Sri Lanka on their schedule. It made me wonder about the Drifters as well. What I found out was that the band that performed as the drifters were known better as Bob Washington’s Drifters. Though some articles about this band said Bob Washington was an original vocalist of the drifters his name did not appear on the list of names on the Drifters wiki page. In fact there is another band performing as the original drifters based out of UK.

The sad thing is that I really enjoyed the show. The Sounds of the Supremes as they should have been billed were good. Sadly though the sound balancing of the Supremes sucked and as someone had posted on his face book update the supremes were sounding like screeching peacocks. I found out later that this was because that the Supremes had brought down a sound engineer who didn’t take any advice from the local lads who knew the acoustics over here better and messed it all up. But still the singing was real and the voices out of this world.

But the treat was Bob Washington’s Drifters they were out of this world. Their voices were marvelous and it was a treat to watch them perform. There are not enough words to describe how wonderful it was. I searched all over youtube to try and get a clipping of them but had no luck in finding anything worthwhile.

I just wish the organizers had been honest with us right from the beginning about who was performing. Because even though they were not the real thing they were really really great. To discover later that they were tribute bands to me is as bad as discovering the beautiful lady you spent an amazing night with turnout to be actually a man.

This is the schedule of the Sounds of the Supremes I wonder if you can see that the BMICH date is accurately presented. Before coming to Sri Lanka they were performing at the Wisconsin State Fair. Makes you wonder how high caliber these artistes really are? Doesn't it?

The best accharu I have read by far!

Indica called it the great Sri Lankan novel, one hundred pages too long and one year too late… this is what caught my attention and galvanized me into getting my hands on the Chinaman even though I had heard about the book and the author… after all he was a fellow advertising dude.

It was only once I got the book into my hand I truly understood how difficult it would have been to write about it. I was expecting a witty strongly written narrative like one would expect from Carl Muller or Ashok Ferrey. What I started reading can only be described as an “Acharu” The good old fashioned Malay Pickle. And the more I thought about it the more appropriate this metaphor felt. Because that was exactly what the book was. Loads of stuff –some which you would like and some you might not – all tossed together in a delicious mix which you can’t resist.

Yes even though it was going all over the place it was a good read. I could not put the book down and found it absolutely entertaining, hilarious and sad. I also thought it was wonderful that someone had the courage to do something different instead of going down the well traveled path. I just hope he has commercial success with this book to encourage more people to reach beyond convention.

Hilarious! You have to work in advertising to appreciate this

Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence...

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks
Shan.

__________________________________________________________________

From:David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news.
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

______________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David

_________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

__________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

______________________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David

________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

__________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

Regards, David.

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Paraprosdokians - never heard of them till now

These are called paraprosdokian sentences. The first half has one meaning and the second sentence gives the phrase a whole new meaning.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them

speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. and my desk stops!

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Interesting facts about some phrases we use!

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell . ..... . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!" Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof... Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold. In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake. England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive... So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer. And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !