Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The continuing tragedy of powerless – painted into a corner

How much of pressure can one take before the damn cracks?
This is the question which was going through my mind as I was observing powerless trying to cope with the additional challenges life had decided to throw across her path over the past few days.
It all began with Powerful being forced to handover the kids to her for half of the school holidays thanks to a court ruling. But along with the kids came the additional pressure of trying to cater to the needs of two kids who are used to an international school lifestyle on a monthly income of less than 30k.
The only weapon powerful has is money and he uses it to the maximum advantage to show the kids how wonderful he is. He showers the kids with tons and tons of expensive presents which include the latest electronic gear, toys and clothes which are fads globally. In addition to this the majority of the kids’ meals are from McDonalds and KFC without a scant regard for nutrition. I believe this is done since it is a more convenient option but sadly the kids don’t see things from this perspective. For them it is Nirvana and the way life is meant to be! So when they are sent to spend time with their mom they compare and ask her to provide the same things which their father does. And innocently try to play one again another saying dad gives me so much why can’t you?
Also powerful has planned a schedule of sports activities and tutoring for the kids to create the maximum inconvenience for a working mom who does not have her own mode of transport and has to depend on lifts, three wheelers or the bus. Fortunately her parents help out with looking after the kids and sometimes cash hand outs. But they also heap a huge amount of abuse on her scolding her for the wrong decisions she has made and for troubling them and bringing them sufferring with all her problems.
I see her rushing to get the kids up, cooking their food, feeding and washing them and dropping them off at the grandparents before making it in time for work. And then scooting out during the day to escort them for their activities. All this whilst balancing a fairly large amount of work. Once again in the evening this situation is played out in reverse.
Sadly the kids are not easy to manage. Due to all the family problems they have experienced they have become spoilt stubborn and uncontrollable. And since they have seen powerful abusing their mother both physically and verbally in front of their eyes; they see no wrong in treating her in a similar manner. They really don’t know any better. Sadly she does not want to be firm and stand up to them as she feels sorry about their situation and is also scared that if they go and tell powerful that they were punished he would use it against her in courts.
Powerful could easily organize a vehicle and driver to take the kids around. But he prefers not to do so to exert some additional pressure on powerless. Even when the kids are sick their medicines are not sent. Neither is she kept informed about the health condition of the kids. Which means that she has to take them to the doctors and redo the tests all over again. At her expense. Of course that is the idea/plan I guess.
I still can’t imagine what kind of father would compromise on the health; safety and well being of his children just so he could get back at his ex-wife? Guess the same kind of father who thinks that one child brought him bad luck. It just doesn’t make sense to me. But then I guess it takes all sorts to make the world. Sigh I just feel so sorry for her. I am surprised that she is still alive. In my case, if I had to face this kind of situation I would have ended my life a long time ago.


Anonymous said...

CJ the beauty of humankind is that we persevere come what may. As a divorcee myself some of the mistakes were mine to make, some hers. Both of us you know that when kids are involved a marriage may end but not your relationship with your ex.
None of us really know all the details of how a marriage breaks down. Forgive me for sounding really cold but if you bring kids to this world, any parent, it is your responsibility to make it work. Even if the parents have split up and one has to strive harder than the other.
I am a parent who has given up everything to enable my kid to shine, my career, my motherland. I have absolutely no regret about that. The lady in question, bless her, has laid the golden egg and hatched it, she better get on with it. Or she shouldn't have had the children at all.

Jack Point said...

I would disagree with anon.

It seems to me that Powerful is using the children as a tool to cause distress to their mother.

The children will be harmed by this, they already sound like they have been spoiled in general, they may grow worse as they age.

cj said...

Anon I think you misunderstood what i said Powerless would like nothing better than to look after the children in the best manner possible. I have seen how she cares for them with the little she has and it really breaks my heart. I don't think she had a choice of not having the kids. Marital Rape was also part of the issue. In fact she has had many offers to go abroad and start a new life which she has declined purely to be by her kids.
Jack you are right the primary motive of Powerful is to destroy his wife so he can have her property. I believe he refuses to see the negative impact of not having a mom in the kids lives. I hate to imagine what the kids would be like when they are grown up. I suppose it would be far worse for their spouses as they see no wrong in domestic violence.

Jack Point said...

How old are the children?

I don't think she should fall into the trap of being blackmailed into providing things.

Would it be possible for Powerless to set some conditions when children are handed over?

Holidays are holidays, what are these classes that they need to attend anyway? If it is essential that they do, then get him to send the car around to take them, if not drop some or all of the classes.

Or else take them to some far off rural place for a rustic holiday, a village somewhere where its too far to bother about classes and there is no KFC or Mc Donalds in sight. These outings need to be planned carefully, over long weekends so leave does not become an issue but that would be a way of breaking the influence.

cj said...

JP the kids are 10 and 6. You will not believe it but this lady has been abused so much she has lost all sense of balance and perspective. And sometimes how she handles herself does not seem logical to someone on the outside looking in. But let me tell you that she is terrified of the husband and even if he calls breaks out into a cold sweat. It is like seeing a dog who has been constantly kicked it is always whimpering and waiting not knowing where and when the next kick will come. I guess she has a right to be because so far she has not been able to get any justice anywhere. He is so powerful that when she went to the Child Protection Bureau with her case he got the Director of the division to accompany him to the inquiry in civil and threaten her with false advice. Do you think the juniors under him would carry out their duties impartially when their boss is sitting (on a Sunday) with one of the people the charges are against?
Even the classes have been scheduled to inconvenience her. But she is scared that if she asserts herself he will use it against her in court. I think that's the problem in a nutshell she is constantly scared not knowing what will hit her next. This guy is a bowler and I cant help but see him doing the same thing he does on the field with her in real life. Keep throwing stuff at her till one moment she will be out. But of course in this case it would be out of the picture.

Dee said...

Poor thing. :( I hope she finds strength in meeting someone who can help her through all this. I'm not talking about a man per day, but a strong woman or friend who can help her through. And damn...those kid are going to be so screwed up :/

cj said...

Dee you are so right about the kids I can see it happening already. I wish there was some child psychologist who can help her. Guess it is all in Gods hands.

Jack Point said...

Somebody needs to talk to the man, for the sake of the children.

He may not realise what he is doing, but he is using the children as a weapon against his ex.

Those children will have no sense of right or wrong and will end up with serious psychological problems.