I couldn't post this on Facebook!

Interview for a CEO

A Large Australian Company advertised for a CEO, but only had one applicant,
whom they weren't enthused about, and so decided to give him a test
Irish Math Test
A Irishman wants a job, but the company won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the Chairman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Irishman says? "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the Chairman asks.


"Have you ain't got no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says the Irishman.

"Fair enough," says the Chairman. "Here's your second question. Use the
same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that
he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."
The Chairman is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Chairman looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog come along and poop by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree
and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"

That Irishman is now head of Qantas

The One Liners

* I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's
interested in,
She said: Cheque books.

*****
* The easiest way to make your old car run better, is
to check the prices of new car.
*****
* Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?

A:Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
*****
* Q:What's the difference between a good lawyer and a
great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
*****
* Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one
full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
*****
* Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe
your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
*****
* Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
*****
* Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying & the other ensures
you continue to do so.
*****
* Q: Singh enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and
closes it. He does this again and again. Why?

A: Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
*****
What's the difference between a good secretary and a personal secretary?
One says "Good morning, boss". The other says "It's morning, boss."

The need to communicate...

This picture was taken in a bungalow deep inside (35kms from the main entrance) the Wilpattu national park. If you look very closely at the picture you will realize a cell phone has been kept on a chair which has been kept on top of a ledge so that it can connect to the Dialog network in order an “incoming” call can be received. I have stayed in this bungalow before and know this for a fact. Only when I saw this did it make me realize that what a powerful need the ability to communicate is?

And I guess this need to keep in touch to connect increases by leaps and bounds when you are stuck in the middle of nowhere. It reminded me of a little bit of trivia which I gathered from Nat Geo that the human brain processes loneliness in the same area which pain is processed. That is why loneliness is such a destructive emotion. And we are coming in to the season where loneliness reaches its peak some resulting in suicide. Yes it’s the season to be jolly. Christmas!

CHINESE PROVERBS....

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on p0t.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . ......

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
(I've added)

Man with hole in pocket feel "cocky" all day

Girl sitting on jockey's lap get 'hot tip'

Man who tap around pubic area is 'beating round the bush'

"Live Band" is it an alternative to a "Dead Band"

How many times have you been bombarded with the statement “With LIVE Band”? Especially in adverts for restaurants and bars. Yesterday I think I saw and heard this phrase three times which set my mind wandering. If they are advertising a “Live Band” it automatically begs the question is there a “Dead Band” out there somewhere? Maybe certain unscrupulous businessmen use bodies of dead people posing with musical instruments to dupe customers into believing that there are musicians performing. I know it is gruesome. And it would be that much easier to get some mannequins instead. Or is this an alternative to certain places playing performances of concerts through DVD. Or is this another uniquely Sri Lankan English word. Like Chinese Rolls? Do you know you can’t find Chinese Rolls in China and its only available (as far as I know) over here? What do you think??????

A nice touch by the Bavarian

As is my usual Friday routine my mates and I were ensconced in the dark bowels of the German Restaurant for a long lunch over one or two cold beers after a long hard week at work. Sadly beer for me was out of the question as I was suffering from a terrible sore throat. But the Brandy was as delightful thank you. Today the service was more outstanding than usual. And the food was heavenly. At the end of the meal when we were being served drinking water the waiter who had noticed that I was suffering from a cold had made sure I had a glass of warm water while the others were given cold water. Somehow this little gesture really touched me not only to write a post on here but also to write to the owner of the establishment and compliment him on the manner his staff treated/delighted customers. I know it is a very small gesture but I thought it showed that he was being really attentive to his client’s needs. And somehow this little act of thoughtfulness really made me feel warm and mushy inside. And of course go there even more often than before. Way to go Bavarian as one of my fellow Diners said “This is what you call service”!

Thinking the world is “JUST” can fuck us up!

I just got off the phone with a friend after an interesting conversation which has to be shared.

What she was saying is that people think that the world is just and fair. In other words good happens to those who do good and bad to those who do bad.

For instance if someone who is kind and generous and known for sharing his money wins a lottery everyone would say good for him he deserves it. On the flip side if a girl wearing revealing clothes, has a reputation for being drunk and walking around the street in the middle of the night gets mugged they would say she deserves it too. Somehow these values have been ingrained into our belief system and it can’t be erased out of our system.

But this messes us up in the long run. For instance if something bad happens to a normal human being they would decode it in their mind as it only happened because they are bad. This in the end leads to lots of guilt which that person carries around for years and years affecting their entire future and relationships as well. You can easily see this in kids who are abused in their young days they always think it is their fault.  

Interesting isn’t it? 

Confused’s Existential Anxiety

“I should be happy” says confused looking at me. “In fact I should be overjoyed”.

"I am living the life what most others dream about".

"I have a beautiful family and kids in fact people consider us picture perfect".

"I have a great job and career and I drive a nice vehicle".

"I  may not be a billionaire but I am financially comfortable. Sure I can always use more money but I don’t have to think twice about spending money on something".

"But yet I feel empty. I feel sad. I feel I am missing something".

"But I don’t know what it is".

"It seems that I have spent my entire life making other people happy I don’t know what makes ME happy any more".

"I provide care for so many people but I can’t seem to provide the required level of care for that person I care about the most".

"I have everything yet it seems I have nothing".

Aleph – Another addition to my growing Paulo Coelho collection

“If you want to see the rainbow you have to learn to like the rain”

This was just one of the beautiful sentences which kept me mesmerized this weekend and up way too late I might add. Such beautiful words! Rich in depth yet so simple and elegant. To me reading most books by Paulo Coelho is as divine a experience as enjoying the double chocolate cheese cake at Paradise Road Gallery Café – savored slowly, one spoonful at a time.

It was completely by accident that I discovered that he had a new book out. I was browsing through PC’s Face Book fan page and blog whilst chilling out in my office den on a poya day and happened to play a video completely by accident which turned out to be the trailer for Aleph his new book.  The moment it dawned on me that a new book was out my heart started beating fast! I started sweating and was agog with excitement. I HAD to get my hands on this new book right then. Fortunately for me Vijitha Yapa Crescat- yes one of the few book stores open on poya days - had a few copies available and I rushed there like a drug addict running to get his fix and heaved a sigh of relief when the copies were finally in my hands.

I am glad to report that my reading experience of Aleph lived up to expectation.

In fact it seems that it exceeded my friend RC’s expectation who I also got a copy for because she says that it was the best book she read of his so far. Personally I thought it was “Eleven Minutes” or the “The Zahir”. But then each to his own at least that is what I say.

It also dealt with a subject that I have been thinking about a lot the past few days. Specially due to the current situation I am experiencing in my life right now. Do the people whose lives we have affected in a previous life (positively or negatively) come back into the presnt? As a Christian who worships in a charismatic church these kinds of subjects are considered taboo. But still I can’t help but wonder? 

So…

It has been a long time since I wrote something on here. It is not that I have had nothing to write about. In fact a lot has been going on in my life. But for some strange reason I have not had the inclination to write about it on here because it has been too painful.  14 years ago I lost someone close to me and I thought I would never experience pain as bad as that. But it seems I was wrong. Maybe over the years I have gone soft.  Metaphorically that is because I have grown soft literally. Or pain is pain and after a certain point you can’t feel a difference regardless of the degree. I don’t know. Once again I lost someone close to me and it bloody hurts.

In Eat Pray Love the book it says to forget someone you deeply care for you need to go to someplace far away from that person. That’s exactly what I want to do sometimes. Just drop everything and runaway. Get out and forget everything. But sadly that is easier said than done. There is a huge roadblock blocking my way. A 16 letter word which says Responsibilities!!!! Thank goodness for my partner in pain RC and Eckhart Tolle without who I would have definitely gone over the edge.