Irish Medical Dictionary

Artery............................The study of paintings
Bacteria.........................Back door to cafeteria
Barium...........................What doctors do when patients die
Benign............................What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section.........A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan........................Searching for Kitty
Cauterize.......................Made eye contact with her
Colic..............................A sheep dog
Coma.............................A punctuation mark
Dilate.............................To live long
Enema...........................Not a friend
Fester............................Quicker than someone else
Fibula............................A small lie
Impotent........................Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain...................Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff..................A Doctor's cane
Morbid............................A higher offer
Nitrates..........................Cheaper than day rates
Node..............................I knew it
Outpatient......................A person who has fainted
Pelvis.............................Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative...............A letter carrier
Recovery Room.............Place to do upholstery
Rectum..........................Nearly killed him
Secretion.......................Hiding something
Seizure..........................Roman emperor
Tablet............................A small table
Terminal Illness.............Getting sick at the airport
Tumor...........................One plus one more
Urine.............................Opposite of you're out

No offense intended to anyone after all my former creative partner was Irish!!!

The known Donkey? The well known yet unknown donkey? Or any donkey?

So election fever has come around once more. Everyone is buzzing. SF is the new black. Everyone is with their antennae up tuned into the fine nuances and the happenings of what I call the political cesspit of our country. I think a cesspit is such a fitting metaphor because I personally believe all politicians are pieces of SHITE.

To me all this is an absolute waste of time and a colossal waste of money. I feel the voters of our country are stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea and are damned whoever they vote for?

While a lot of people who I mingle with seem very pro SF I really think he is an unknown quantity. And how he led an army cannot be transposed to a democratic country. Because if he rules the country like he ruled the army then we are in for big trouble. And to support my claim I cannot think of any success story of a country where a military leader held power. When I think of SF in power what comes to me are the scary images of Burma and Iran.

I have a few choices. Either not to vote which means someone else would use my vote in all probability. To spoil my vote or vote for someone else more as a sign of protest. And right now I think option three seems the most appealing. In fact I am wondering if I should start a facebook page and start this as a cause and see how many people would actually join it.

The Darwin Awards - this is too good not to share

I am not in the habit of doing cut and paste jobs on my blog but I just had to share this with you guys cos its absolutely mind bogglingly funny! So here goes:

The Darwin Awards are out!
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.


Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach ,California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. [Ingenious...just darn ingenious].

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Morbid... images from kanatte

I was at a funeral at Kanatte today and could not help noticing that the light was beautiful and perfect for taking some pictures. Sadly the only camera I had was on my phone so I just took some time to while away the boredom of the funeral service.... The quality is pretty bad but I just played around with it some on picasa just to make it look better than the actually shite it was looking like. Though I succeeded I do not know guess it is what you think that counts!

How Gullible Can people be or should I title this article The Foolishness of Instant Romance?

I was just glancing through the Daily Mirror this morning and this article caught my attention. Made me wonder what this country is coming to and ask the question can people be this gullible?

I am reproducing the article below with full credits to Sunil De Silva of the Daily Mirror just in case the link does not work in the future:

One night stand man arrested
By Sunil De Silva

A married man who cheated a young woman on the promise of marrying her and fled with her jewelry after spending a day with her at a hotel was taken into custody by the Weligama police. The victim from Hikkaduwa was on her way to the Karapitiya Hospital to obtain treatment for a heart ailment.

The suspect who met her at the Galle bus stand got friendly with her and when she disclosed her illness to the suspect, the latter told her that he was a Naval Rating attached to the Galle Naval Base and that he was looking for a poor young woman for marriage and promised to marry her soon.

He accompanied her to Karapitiya Hospital and even paid for the drugs he bought from a private pharmacy to build up confidence with the unsuspecting woman. When they returned to the Galle bus stand the suspect had lured her into going with him to a hotel in Weligama to talk freely about their future plans.

After spending the day with her at the hospital he requested her to part with her gold chain and the bangles as a souvenir to which the gullible girl had gladly obliged. When they returned to Galle the suspect had left the victim at the Railway station and left with the promise of returning back in a short while after drawing his salary from the Naval Base to go with her to meet her parents.

However, when the suspect did not return she had gone back to the hotel where they had spent the day and obtained the suspect’s name and identity card number, from the register of room bookings and made a complaint to the Weligama Police.

HQI Weligama Mahesh Kumarasinghe immediately deployed Sergeant 51939 Sumanasena and PC 16030 Vipul to investigate the matter. During their investigations they arrested the suspect and recovered the jewelry that had been pawned for Rs.38, 000. The suspect was produced before the Matara Magistrate and remanded.

Dilemma of the suckling pig!

Every Christmas the family meets up at my cousins house and we have Christmas lunch together. And every year I take some item of food like a Double chocolate cheese cake from the Gallery or a roast leg of ham or turkey. This year I was wondering what I should take which would be interesting enough to elicit squeals of delight from all around.

I was face booking and came across a post added on the Chinese Dragon fans page about their Christmas Roasts. One item which piqued my interest immediately was the suckling pig. Now I have been fantasizing about eating suckling pig for many years. And yes I fantasize about food I can go through a menu and get the same kind of pleasure some men would get ogling the pages of Penthouse or Playboy. I had heard that the meat was succulent and mouth wateringly soft. Because a suckling pig is only fed its mother’s milk before its slaughtered at six weeks old. The price was reasonable and within my budget. So I ordered one and with great anticipation collected it and took it to my cousins house imagining all the hooing and the haiing which would take place as the people would tuck in feverishly into the delicious dish. The large tray was covered with a thick foil so I could not see what was under it.

But when the dish was opened what was heard was gasps of horror rather than the squeals of delight I had anticipated. Under the foil was the cutest dead pig you could have seen and everyone including me felt sorry to have been responsible for the death of such a lovely creature. The hostess refused to carve it and I think many of the people found the entire site a little bit revolting.

I had taken a picture of it on my mobile phone to put it up on here so you could see for yourself but sadly once more I had a virus attack on my memory card and it had to be formatted and I lost all the data. I have to ask for a pic from my niece till then I have put up a pic from the web for reference. Trust me when I tell you this its gorier than it looks. And I am a person who has a real strong stomach.

Putting on a brave face a few of us did take some bites out of it. Trust me it was not as wonderful as I had imagined it would be. In fact it was slightly sickening. In my mind I was hoping that I would take the remaining home and feast on it for a couple of days. But at the end of the meal I did not want to have a the remains of babe in my freezer or my memory. Guess I should have settled for a roast leg of pork instead. It would have been wiser and that much more cheaper!

P.S.

I finally added the correct picture and now what you see is the poor little fella who lost his life thanks to my greediness.

Lessons from 2009

...sometimes Friendship is more important than love

...what comes crashing down can also bounce up as long as you remain confident and positive and have faith however difficult it is to do so

...you can still feel very much alone even if surrounded by people who care for you

...that you can be affected by the actions of people you have never met

....the more expensive it is does not mean it makes you more happier!