A minor calamity

Well the past three days I have been san family at home because the rest of the brood had gone on church camp. So there I was on Friday evening with virtually nothing to do. I had planned on watching a movie which I had downloaded via torrernets. But sadly it was not to be because the sound was messed up. It seemed like it was going to be a boring poya evening. When I got a call from my friend YP. He wanted to drop some stuff off and when he heard I was alone at all (except for the maid of course) he said well then let me drop in. I was delighted. YP and his wife SP are great company and what seemed to be a boring evening was now transforming in to a delightful one with great conversation and good company. So delightfully I requested them to cover over for a drink.

I rushed to the liquor cabinet to keep the bottles out and some glasses. When I realized that the key was missing. DAMN IT! It was then it dawned on me that my wife generally locks the cabinet because our domestics specially if they from the estate sector like to take a more than occassional sip off my booze regardless if they are male or female. Suddenly I realized not only did I not have access to booze but I also did not even have propper glasses or an ice bucket to serve my guests.

Well it was a sheepish CJ who had to call YP once more and say hey Machang you will have to bring your own booze and shandy and ice. Which he gladly agreed to? He he darn what a terrible host I am.

In the next few minutes I got a brain wave why not go out? Have dinner and take the bottle with us so we could enjoy a few pre-dinner drinks. Well the thing is it was not going to be an easy task. Being the overly puritan country we are not only liquor is not allowed to be sold on Poya days but it is also not allowed to be consumed in the premises of these places. Damn it once more. Well I thought I should try my charm. The first restaurant of choice was Loon Tao mmmmm chinese by the beach with the wind blowing through my hair and watching the waves on a moonlit night sounded absolutely heavenly. Sadly that was not to be because when i phoned the guys flaty refused with a firm NO NO!

Well Ok I scratch my head where else can we go to. Bayleaf??? Maybe but I dont like the food too much over there I wanted some thing ricey and spicey not westernish. Okkk the next location of choice would be siam house. Well I thought instead of asking the first person who answers the phone I will ask the manager in my posh official voice. To my delight the manager was a gentle soul I knew. And he agreed to allow us to sneak in a bottle and sip off it discreetly while we had our dinner. Ohh Wow what a relief.

YP and his wife SP picked me up and we arrived at Siam house. We had to smuggle the bottle in SPs hand bag. Thank goodness it was quite a large one. Well we settled down on the terrace. And it was warm and humid but anyway we tried to have our drinks without being noticed too much by keeping the bottle under the table. Well the manager was still nervous and was lamenting to us to please be more discreet because if he got caught or if the owner found out he would loose his job. How much more discreet can you be other than leave the bottle under the table. So we said in that case give us a room which he was relieved to do and we were escorted to the room. Ahhh darn sometimes the decor of these restaurants are sooo cheesy. The room had an ultra violetish line and bluish wall with glitter on it ugggggh! Fortunately the purple light could be switched off but still I think I seeing everything with a purplish glow.

Though the decor of the room was not that great wooow the food was amazing. We had cashew nut salad and hot butter cuttle fish for starters or bites. Guess the term which people often use which says "The bite became the diet" was quite true in this situation we tucked down the two dishes in minutes. And ultimately could not finish more than quarter of a bottle. YP was laughing and telling me how he was worried that one bottle would not be enough for us for the night. Well the starters were followed by a heavenly tom yang soup and then the main meal was chicken red curry pork in basil leaf fried pomfret kankung and of course the siam house special sea food fried rice. Damn it the food was delicious over half was left and I am looking forward to eating the left overs when I wake up for lunch on Saturday. Because by that time the spices have really taken hold and the flavour is out of this world. Well we talked and ate and then talked through desert and then talked some more till we realized that it was getting kind of late and therefore we headed home. And I went to sleep dreaming of waking up to pork in basil lead and red curry once more.

A lazy saturday that was not to be

Woke up late today and wanted to do absolutely nothing... I even canceled my appointment with my trainer at the gym as well. A long day of doing sweet nothing lay ahead of me and I was looking forward to it like a kid looking forward to a treat. Woke up late past seven thirty. Mmmm cofee and ciggerates are so good as you wake up... Well the next couple of hours were spent wallowing in nothingness just hanging out on the net chatting to a couple of friends till there was a knock on my door and the maid came in with her face ashen. Well now the maid only speaks tamil with a smattering of Sinhalese and I on the other hand speak NO tamil not even a smattering. Well with much difficulty she tells me that her daughters huband has died and that she needs to leave for her home town. The poor lady was crying too. Deep down the cynical side of my brain was wondering if this was one of her cunning creations to go home early and bum some money off me. Well if anyone is reading this right now I can see you thinking to yourself what a heartless barstard this guy is. But seriously we have had so many servants I have heard and virtually seen them all. And this kind of thing is quite possible. We have had someone whose mother died twice. Well anyway the bottom line was that she had to go what I did not anticipate was her request for me to drop her at the main bus stand in Pettah.
Suddenly my plans for an afternoon nothingness shattered. I could have refused but sometimes I am too much of a nice guy and cannot say no. And of course there I was a couple of minutes later driving down to Pettah. Leaving nothingness behind.
Well now we are stuck without a maid once they go you never know if they will come back till you see them at your door once again. Well this means it is going to be a night mare for a couple of days or weeks more likely as she has wanted two weeks off starting from the sixteenth. Well I have always wanted to have two maids in the house. Actually not a maid but rather an appu. Firstly it makes more economic sense because when the maid takea off for a couple of days we spend more money on ordering food than it would cost to hire a second maid. Well I dropped her off at the main bus stand and now am foot loose and fancy free for the next couple of hours. So here I am tapping this away on my blackberry at the Urban Kitchen more popularly known as UK. Well that is another post I guess.
Just to add a post script once she had left my wife called me and told me that the maid does NOT have a daughter. Which means all this was some kind of scam to get out of the house. Guess she thought she could fool me better than the wife and therefore told me this story and the gullible fool I am I sawllowed it hook line and sinker. :(

The girl who got pregnant and did not know about it! (a true story)

I was reading Dee Cee’s post about the servant girl who got a womb wash and it made my mind travel back to roughly eight years back. The girl I am talking about too is a servant girl working at my aunts since I can remember. She was landed on their door step when she was five by her mother who could not feed her and has been there I believe now for at least 40 years. To call her dumb would be to desecrate that word.

Well anyway she is clueless about the birds and the bees it seems and I doubt my aunt would have thought of teaching her about sex since there was no real opportunity for her to dabble in it. This is a double edged statement. Firstly because she was not really anything to look at and secondly she was always in the company of my aunt and if there were no people she would wait with the doors locked. But then what the human man cannot conceive circumstances does. Well before I go down the road of this story a long time back this girl had run away with a laborer working in the office next door. It seems that he had used her and abandoned her and she was found walking about aimlessly by the police somewhere in Pettah a couple of hours later. In this case my aunt was wise enough to get a medical test done and found out that she was pregnant. Of course a womb wash was done and the problem was solved. Please note that these people are strong Christians who are against abortion when it suits them.

They say lightening does not strike twice and this incident was another reason why that my aunt thought this kind of situation would not raise its ugly head again ever.

Well she was wrong.

Many years later the girl started complaining of sickness and not feeling well. Her ankles had swollen. And she was vomiting regularly. Many trips to the doctor ensued. Many medicines were consumed but nothing could relieve her condition. The third trip to the doctor which was about two months down the line the doctor finally asked her if her periods were regular and she said that she had not had them for a couple of months. This sparked off a thought in the docs mind and amazingly everyone realized that the poor girl was pregnant again! Well the question which was going through everyone’s mind was HOW? She denied complete ignorance or any knowledge of what had taken place.

Slowly but surely it was revealed that it was a man who used to come to the house to carry out minor repairs and clean up stuff. He was quite older than her and no one thought that there would be any nefarious activities between these two. So my aunt has been going out leaving the girl alone at home and since this guy was a known party had allowed him to come and work in the house in her absence. Guess he really made use of his welcome. He he Pun intended.

Sadly this time it was too late for a womb wash.

I wonder if it is right to use the word sad? Actually let me rephrase.

Luckily this time it was too late for a womb wash. So the baby had to be delivered. This created a major set of problems which could be summarized in one line. What would the neighbors say???

So a plan was engineered. When this girl started showing her tummy she was sent away to the salvation army. Where she was put up in a room and guess decently looked after. And whilst she was there another lady who was looking to adopt a child came across this girl. Now this lady was barren and was having enormous pressure from her in-laws about not producing grand children for them to pamper and molly coddle. Well guess as luck would have it supply met demand and a deal was made. Yes the baby would be given to this lady. Of course there was no fee involved but this unleashed another whole chain of activity.

Firstly the lady announced to the world she was pregnant and started walking about with a pillow wrapped around her tummy. Secondly as the baby became due the servant girl was whisked away to a nursing home in Kandy where the baby was born. But all the paper work was done as if the mother was the Lady thereby leaving no evidence of this sordid deal. Well from what I hear it was a beautiful baby boy.

During the time this baby was born my second daughter was born too. I found it ironic. Two kids were conceived. One brought great happiness and hope and joy and everyone could not wait to bring her home. The other brought stress, duress and deceit and people could not wait to get rid of it.

The servant girl had to stay at our place for a couple of days after the birth to make sure all her signs of pregnancy disappear and she could make a respectable comeback to the neighborhood. This was the same time our new born was brought home. So there were two mothers but one baby under one roof. And every time our daughter cried in hunger the servant girls breasts too used to leak with milk. What a shame.

Anyway the story has a happy ending I guess. There is one blissful couple who are enjoying the joys of parenthood. The child is happy and doing well. I really wonder what the real mother was feeling. But she has resigned herself to her fate and now she is back to cooking and sweeping the house and cleaning pots happy that her child is enjoying a future and a lifestyle which she could not ever dream of providing for him. And my aunt is happy because the neighbors never got wind of any of the goings on and are blissfully ignorant about the whole episode.

Making bread without bread???? A strange phenomena at cross roads.

When you are dining on Western Food you always expect bread and butter to be provided. I believe it is as common as cutlery. And to be honest all the restaurants which I had dined in the past always provided bread with the meal. Well except one which was the German Restaurant in Galle Face Courts but they do so now. Well it seems the good folk who operate the Cross Roads café and restaurant does not realize this or did not know this.
Well firstly if you have not heard of Crossroads it is the little pastry shop cum restaurant which is down Nawala Road. It is managed by the same people who do Tasty and I must confess the short eats and sweet pastries I have taken from there has been pretty good. To be honest I had been here many times but this is the first time I realized that cross roads also boasted a fully air-conditioned full service dine in area with quite a nice menu. The pastry shop and restaurant are in one building but you need to access it through different doors.
Well the person who was buying me lunch was a diabetic and wanted some bread rolls along with the food he ordered. To our amazement the waiter looks at us and says sorry sir we don’t serve bread rolls with the food. I could not believe my ears. No Bread!!!! Well this was a problem because he wanted some starch as he had just taken is insulin injection and his diabetes level would go up if he did not have some starch. The next obvious question was could you bring me something with bread or starch from the pastry shop. And once again the waiter said sorry sir we are not allowed to bring food from next door into this premises. Well I thought this was highly strange. And I thought what the hell what a fother mucking restaurant this was. Well anyway we knew who were the owners were (though the waiters did not know we knew) so we kept quiet about the whole thing and decided to order our meal.
Since I had already had an early lunch I ordered a Caesar’s Salad which was pretty darned good to say the least and followed it up with fruit salad and ice cream which was expected.
Whilst consuming our meal my host told me one main reason they do not allow food to be brought from the other side is that people bring the food and come and eat in the main restaurant without ordering anything additionally then the restaurant would not be able to break even. He told me how the restaurant had introduced a super Hopper set menu for 250/ which was great value for money. But they found that sometimes a family of five would visit order two meals and share it amongst all of them which did not make great business sense for the restaurant that is. I am sure the head of the family must be grinning like a Cheshire cat for where on earth could feed a family of five at a decent middle upper restaurant for 500 bucks.
Well I must say I am prepared to understand that. But no bread! Surely are they so profit hungry that they cant give two rolls of bread with the meal which is not cheap. Well guess by leaving out the bread they are making more “bread” in the long run. Hope they will learn that man cannot live by bread alone one of these days very soon.

Feeling Chee-ted!

Firstly the spelling mistake on the header for this article is intentional. This might give you an idea of who this rant is about.

I am frothing mad right now. We worked hard on a project got everything approved and now the client tells us that part of the commissions (creative agency commission for those in the industry) we are entitled to which is usual business practise will not be given to us. This is very very sad as this is a top company in Sri Lanka. What really infuriates me is tht if we were told before at the time of being briefed then we would not have accepted the assignmet. Sadly for an agency once the main creative idea is done they have already incurred the main cost. So if the job is done it is a loss. Because the creative minds are the highest paid. Also there is an opportunity cost as well.

Sadly if I decline the job at this stage there will be three other agencies who will be willing to do it accepting the conditions laid down by the client. Sadly the client would not have enough brainwidth to realise the quality difference. Sadly the most logical thing for me to do is to bite my tongue and take on the job thereby minimising my losses. But it makes me feel like an absolute looser. It is a very sad situation when one industry does not have professional respect for another. But this has been brought about by the increased levels of competition we encounter in the ad world today. And it is the ad industry itself that has brought this situation about. Well guess we all live and learn. All I can do right now is show an imaginary finger at my client and say "chee chee wede kethai."

Wasted…

Sunday evening instead of my usual movie with the kids I found myself making myself towards shine. 6 in the evening was quite early to go for a rock concert but this was a jam session which had started at three. My mission to witness wagon park perform. The reason a nephew is performing in the band. Well I have been to this location when it was called Clancy’s though now it is called Shine though nothing much has changed other than the name. It was the same body guard at the door the same smoke filled atmosphere and yes sometimes the stale smell of sweat emanating from some bodies.

Well as opened the doors what hit me first was the noise and the smoke. There was youngster in a sarong bare bodied and with long hair wailing away as if he was being dragged to have his throat cut. Well then I realized he was performing. And what was really bad was that the song sounded familiar. In fact it was by Imagine by John Lennon. Oh boy how they murdered it. (In fact I thought I should have titled this article john Lennon murdered for the second time) I think this singer was trying to imitate Metallica and the typical stereo type of rock star on stage without depending on his own individuality.

There were lots of young ones. Most of them with long hair head banging away to glory whilst cigarettes hung out of their lips at dangerous angles. But what was really amazing was they were head banging to songs which I used to head bang to 25 years ago. Damn it seems there is a generation gap when it comes to mindset but not when it comes to music. Strange indeed.

Yes I felt old and out of place. I also felt sorry for all those wasted youngsters trying to be with it and cool and hip. Of course I realize that this is how exactly I would have looked and felt and behaved twenty years ago.

Now what I really found amazing was the adoring parents of the youngsters who were performing on stage. How lovingly they looked on as the people around them were going crazy… not only were they smoking drinking and necking but on stage the performers regularly spouted out four letter words quite oblivious to the fact there were adults around. Well there were two gray haired ladies as well who were looking on amazingly without a sign grimace or distaste. Well sometimes people never cease to amaze me.

The Gloat house

Saturday is a day I would rather spend at home rather than go out. Specially to places I don’t like to be in and have to pretend to be enjoying myself. Sadly this was a situation I had to face last Saturday. One of my close relatives let’s call him Bill has bought a new house and was throwing a house warming party. Bill is quite a nice guy who is blessed with a overpowering personality and is an uncut diamond of sorts. Also with a penchant to gloat a little, in an annoying manner. Therefore someone you cannot suffer for long. So there I was driving down a narrow road when my I nearly bit my tongue in amazement at the new house. To call it a house was a misnomer. It was more of a building. But I must confess that I am being kind here. In fact the most appropriate word for it would have been monstrosity. Four stories high. And built in a manner which seemed it was put together unevenly by building blocks.

To say it was huge was an understatement. Because it is actually an apartment block where three generations of one family were living. The land which this was built on was also odd shaped which means that it was a complex maze of halls and bed rooms and kitchens. Sadly this place was badly designed as well. I believe there was no architect involved and it was the mason and the owner who had gone about the process of putting it up. And to add insult to injury the entire place was decorated in the most garish manner. Orange paint. Fiber Glass moldings and waterfalls and a bridge. Badly placed feng-shui items in gold and terribly bad tiling.

The first thing I thought to myself was what a wonderful place it could have been. It was a property close to the sea. It could have been designed in such a manner where the wind would have been allowed to come through and where great views would have been possible. Sadly only one room had a view of the sea. And all the rooms were walled up and claustrophobic when French windows would have been perfect.

So there I was suffering for about two hours when I forced my brood to go home at the risk of insulting my host. But what the hell I had not had some time of my own for a long time. Sunday was going to be busy and the week after that so I thought it would be best that I thought of myself first and left with a sigh of relief that I did not have to live in such grandiose living conditions.