Well its amazing 41 years after I stepped into the world. I have been invited to sign as a witness to a wedding. Well ok this is the second time I have been asked to do it. But it is a first time I accepted the offer and actually doing it. Does this mean someone thinks I am somebody? Does it mean that I have finally made it in my world? Well I am kind of honored and proud that some one thinks highly of me enough to want me to put my signature as a witness on a commitment they are making for life.
But being a witness has its own set of challenges. Specially when you haven’t been one before. Sadly there is no easy reference online or a book called “Witness for Dummies” I wish there was so I could find out if there were certain do’s and don’ts. Are you expected to give a present? And as a witness should it be substantial? Not the usual crap you wrap up nicely and leave at the entrance? Well these were some of the questions which were going through my mind. And worst of all does it mean that I have to wear a suit and wait for a couple of hours? Phew sigh of relief firstly the signing would take place the day before the wedding which means that I did not have to wear a suit. And the only person I could turn to advice was my secretary (well actually the title is not quite correct but I really cant refer to her as my jack of all trades or should I say Jill?) She told me that the witness is expected to give a envelope with a substantial cheque in it. And she rolls her eyelids and says “the witnesses at my wedding did so” And who were they? Well one was Ken Balendra and the other was some Sabaratnam another corporate big wig whose company I cant remember as I type. Uggggh I wish my bank balance was like Mr. Ken Balendra’s. Then I would have made sure I would leave an envelope with a substantial cheque in it. Sadly I am not. Infact I am over my neck in debt thanks to my trusty credit cards who I cant resist taking out of my purse when I should leave them locked in my house. Under security. Well I promptly asked for a second opinion from my chairman. Who said NO you don’t have to do it. Maybe the way I asked he thought I wanted him to say NO. Or worse still maybe he thought I might hit him for a loan for the said substantial sum. Hmmmm not a bad idea maybe I should save it for another occasion.
Well anyway the day came and there I was at the signing. “The Signing” ahhh much more impressive. Like a title from a John Grisham novel.
Well actually the entire event was quite uneventful. Other than a little mini battle of the bosses between the two intended mother in laws. Oh I forgot to mention that the bride and the groom have decided that each of their bosses should be the witness. So each intended mother in law was saying how good their offspring’s boss was. I was wondering if this was going to become some big pissing contest. But thank goodness it sort of fizzled off. And there I was talking nicely to everyone trying be important and social like a proper witness should be. When I saw it….
Yes the other boss had a dreaded envelope with him! Ohhh what a tragedy was going to unfold. Would I be letting my side down? And amazingly the envelope looked quite substantial from the outside. Well at this point of time there was nothing I could do other than grit my teeth and curse those who told me that there was no need for an envelope. Well I text me secretary and say darn the other boss has brought an envelope. She texts me back cheekily and says “I told you so” Ughhhh I can see the look on her face right now in my mind.
Well what is done cannot be undone. I thickly waited through the ceremony and made some noises and tried to divert the attention of everyone present onto something else after the signing so that the focus would not be on the substantial cheque. And I did it. But guess I need to give them one in the near future. If I can find the bucks. Or better yet I will just borrow it from the chairman.
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