Sunday, September 12, 2010

Foody Friday

Yeah! Ramazan! Another work day which feels more like a holiday and another perfect excuse to have a slap bang meal. We don’t have that many muslims in office but that does not prevent us from enjoying a good biriyani feed to celebrate Ramazan. Well I guess if non Christians can celebrate Christmas there is nothing wrong in us celebrating Ramazan. But my Friday had two food highlights which I wanted to share with you.

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Magnificent Muffins….

As I walked into office I was greeted by a beautiful plate of muffins left for me by a friend. And of course everyone tucked into them with great enthusiasm. There was strawberry, chocolate chip and banana muffins and all of them were delicious. I wanted to take some pictures of them to share it with you. But I was so focused on consuming them by the time this thought came about there was nothing left. Fortunately I got my friend to send me some pics which he had taken and I am uploading them to show you what I had. By the way this is a new muffin place called Bibos (078 555 2426 if you like to sample some of their stuff) and they have a variety of other desserts as well. I was going through their menu and cannot wait to try some of the other stuff especially the cheese and bacon muffin for one… he he yes I did not read it wrongly they seriously have a cheese and bacon muffin. Well the moment I try more I shall keep everyone updated.

Brilliant Biriyani…

I always assumed that only Muslims were in the business of doing Biriyani Sawans. That was till I met Dihan the owner of a Restaurant cum catering service called Royaka in Pita kotte. He told me that he was also in the business of Savans and we decided to try his Savans out instead of ordering the Biriyani from the usual places such as Galle Cateres or Saifudeen of Slave Island. For those who don’t know it was Saifudeen who used to supply biriyani to the Hilton till recently. Anyway we were worried about this decision because somehow ordering Biriyani from a non muslim supplier made it seem as dull as chicken ham. But we were worried that the sanitary conditions at the usual places we order from. Even under normal conditions they were unsatisfactory and I would hate to think what it would be like on a day where the orders would be ten times than what they do usually. Also Dihan has been doing our office tea service for the past few weeks. And been doing a brilliant job of it. So even he was 50% more expensive we decided to place the order with him.

It was with great joy we realized that we had made the right decision when the food arrived. Firstly his Sawans were really big. And also the chicken was over roasted and tender and succulent. He had also given us a raita for the biriyani in addition to the normal accompaniments and it really added a lot of flavor and that extra oomph to the meal. All of us tucked in with relish and enjoyed every morsel. We had so much left over after more than 50 people had eaten to their hearts content we gave big parcels to all those who wanted to take some to their families. Even I brought some home and had it for dinner. Actually at dinnertime the biriyani was even tastier as it had absorbed all the flavor of the spices. Once again I completely forgot about taking a picture till I had finished eating. I did manage to get a friend to take a pic of the sawan through his phone but sadly the picture does not do justice to the food. Dihan can be contacted on 778965852 or 0759965852 if anyone is interested.

Sadly I think I ate a little too much and the next day was feeling awful at the gym as I tried to crawl through my work out. And I faithfully promised myself that I am going to go easy on the rich food but as I sit here typing this post on a beautiful Sunday morning with a nice crab curry sizzling on the stove I cant but help wonder when I am going to be eating that Biriyani again.

Friday, September 10, 2010

The Church Organist and the condom

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness.

One afternoon, the pastor Came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammondorgan, The young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' Pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter'

Isn't this absolutely hilarious :)

Monday, September 6, 2010

Souled out!

Oh what a beautiful morning oh what a beautiful day that’s what I thought as I woke up Sunday Morning. I was in a good mood. Saturday night had gone well even though I had to have me and my wife groped and poke by a phalanx of sweaty security types from the Presidents Security Division. Even though the place was terribly cold. Even though we had to endure looking at donkeys who were actually GOLD fm DJs trying to act as compeers and groveling in front of the audience kissing the ass of the first lady and Duminda Silva.

Still it was worth it. To see the Supremes and Drifters in concert. Two mega bands on one stage for the first time in Sri Lanka. How could I not attend? Especially since I got two front row passes for free! He he working in ad industry certainly has its benefits. Life could not be better I thought to myself as I sat down and opened the morning papers and saw this article in the Sunday Leader. Oh what a shame I have been duped and taken for a sucker. These were not the real supremes but a tribute band. I went to the web site which was highlighted in the newspaper and it was all true they even had their appearance in Sri Lanka on their schedule. It made me wonder about the Drifters as well. What I found out was that the band that performed as the drifters were known better as Bob Washington’s Drifters. Though some articles about this band said Bob Washington was an original vocalist of the drifters his name did not appear on the list of names on the Drifters wiki page. In fact there is another band performing as the original drifters based out of UK.

The sad thing is that I really enjoyed the show. The Sounds of the Supremes as they should have been billed were good. Sadly though the sound balancing of the Supremes sucked and as someone had posted on his face book update the supremes were sounding like screeching peacocks. I found out later that this was because that the Supremes had brought down a sound engineer who didn’t take any advice from the local lads who knew the acoustics over here better and messed it all up. But still the singing was real and the voices out of this world.

But the treat was Bob Washington’s Drifters they were out of this world. Their voices were marvelous and it was a treat to watch them perform. There are not enough words to describe how wonderful it was. I searched all over youtube to try and get a clipping of them but had no luck in finding anything worthwhile.

I just wish the organizers had been honest with us right from the beginning about who was performing. Because even though they were not the real thing they were really really great. To discover later that they were tribute bands to me is as bad as discovering the beautiful lady you spent an amazing night with turnout to be actually a man.

This is the schedule of the Sounds of the Supremes I wonder if you can see that the BMICH date is accurately presented. Before coming to Sri Lanka they were performing at the Wisconsin State Fair. Makes you wonder how high caliber these artistes really are? Doesn't it?

The best accharu I have read by far!

Indica called it the great Sri Lankan novel, one hundred pages too long and one year too late… this is what caught my attention and galvanized me into getting my hands on the Chinaman even though I had heard about the book and the author… after all he was a fellow advertising dude.

It was only once I got the book into my hand I truly understood how difficult it would have been to write about it. I was expecting a witty strongly written narrative like one would expect from Carl Muller or Ashok Ferrey. What I started reading can only be described as an “Acharu” The good old fashioned Malay Pickle. And the more I thought about it the more appropriate this metaphor felt. Because that was exactly what the book was. Loads of stuff –some which you would like and some you might not – all tossed together in a delicious mix which you can’t resist.

Yes even though it was going all over the place it was a good read. I could not put the book down and found it absolutely entertaining, hilarious and sad. I also thought it was wonderful that someone had the courage to do something different instead of going down the well traveled path. I just hope he has commercial success with this book to encourage more people to reach beyond convention.

Hilarious! You have to work in advertising to appreciate this

Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence...

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks
Shan.

__________________________________________________________________

From:David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news.
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

______________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David

_________________________________________________________________


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

__________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

______________________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David

________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

__________________________________________________________________


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

________________________________________________________________________________________________


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

Regards, David.

______________________________________________________________________________________


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

_________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

_____________________________________________________


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

________________________________________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Paraprosdokians - never heard of them till now

These are called paraprosdokian sentences. The first half has one meaning and the second sentence gives the phrase a whole new meaning.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them
speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. and my desk stops!

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Interesting facts about some phrases we use!

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell . ..... . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof... Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would

Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive... So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !